When the Kids Are Gone

I was chatting on Facebook a few days ago with an old high school friend and we were talking about our kids. She has a 10 year-old son and was saying how she’s so glad to have him around because it would be too quiet without him there. She also has a twenty-something year-old son that has moved out. When I mentioned that, as much as I love my kids, I’m kind of looking forward to the day they’ve moved out on their own, she was very surprised. She mentioned something to the effect that it would just be my wife and I, so what would we do with all that time? I can think of a million things to do. Well, maybe not a million, but a lot.

I really do love the age my son and daughter are at right now – senior and freshman in high school – and I’ve loved every age they’ve been. Yes, even the so called “Terrible Two’s”. Maybe time has distorted my memory, but they really weren’t all that terrible. I feel that every age, every stage, has had its challenges, but also its benefits and joys. I loved when they were babies and just seeing me made them smile. And to my wise-guy brothers, no, that wasn’t gas! I loved when they were toddlers and they loved to sit with me and read books or watch their favorite video. Other than “Sox on Fox” when I was very tired, I loved to read to them and use different voices for the characters in the books. I loved when they started school and were reading on their own. Both my wife and I like to read and my daughter has followed in our footsteps. I loved when they started figuring out what they liked doing, like acting, singing, drawing, writing their own songs and playing guitar and piano. I loved when they started having real, deep conversations about themselves, school, friends – life. I would love to say that I enjoyed the whole college process with my daughter, but it has been more stressful than I ever thought it would be. But overall, I have loved seeing them grow, change and become their own person.

I’m ready for my daughter to go off to college. I know she is going to change and grow a lot in the next four years being away from Mom and Dad. I’ve seen it with my nieces and nephews and I’ve seen it with some of my friend’s kids. When she’s gone, I’ll probably appreciate her more than I do now, and I hope she’ll appreciate me more than she does now. As one of my friends has said to me, “It’s amazing how you suddenly become so intelligent when your kids come back from college to visit.” The more important thing is that I think my daughter is ready to go off to college, too. She’s ready for the next stage of life.

There was a time when four of my siblings and I were still living at home and three of them got married in the same year. So we were going from five to two kids left at home, my younger brother and I. To be honest, I couldn’t wait until they were gone. I figured I’d have the house mostly to myself; I could watch whatever I wanted on TV and listen to whatever music I wanted to, when I wanted. Somehow, I thought this would be the best time of my life. I’d be able to have friends over without interference from anyone and basically do what I wanted.

So the weddings passed and it was just me and my younger brother with our parents and it was…horrible. My brother worked nights a lot, so I suddenly really did have the house to myself. There had always been a lot going on in my house and there was usually a good bit of noise, but now the house was so quiet. I hated how quiet it was! I remember sitting in my room one night, listening to the silence and wishing everyone was back at the house. I had what I wanted and it just didn’t do for me what I thought it would. I’d watch a game on TV, turn up the volume to make up for the lack of noise and I still hated it. Another night I sat there thinking, “Is this what it’s like for an only child?” Because if it was like that, I felt bad for every kid that didn’t have brothers and sisters. I guess the old adage is true: Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it!

So I guess I need to ask myself an important question. Do I really want my kids to be gone and leave just me and my wife? Sure, we'd have the opportunity to do things we want without having to worry about rides and when someone was going to be home, but perhaps my friend from high school is correct. Maybe it will be too quiet, just like it was when I was suddenly alone in the house. There definitely is a buzz in the house when my kids are home and I do miss them when they’re gone. And I truly look forward to seeing them when they get home after being away for a few days. Actually, now that I've written this, maybe I’m not as ready as I thought I was. 

Play Ball

Baseball is back! From the time the snow starts flying, I look forward to the start of spring training. That helps me get through the dead of winter, knowing that at some point in the not-too-distant future, in far off, warm, sunny places, men are playing baseball. So while there is snow on the ground here in Massachusetts and most of us don’t want to spend too much time outside, they’re playing baseball in Florida and Arizona. As spring training goes on I start looking forward to Opening Day.

When I was a kid, Opening Day for the Boston Red Sox meant a couple of things: Spring was officially here and my baseball season was just around the corner. I loved baseball so much growing up that I truly wanted to be a major league baseball player. I played with anyone who wanted to play, even if it was just playing a game of catch. I played any time someone wanted to play, even if it was so cold that I still needed a winter jacket to keep warm. Heck, I loved baseball so much I played all by myself by making up games. I would throw a rubber ball off the house and catch the “grounders” that came back to me. I would throw the ball up in the air as high as I could and catch the “fly balls” hit to me. Once I started Little League, I don’t think I missed more than a couple of practices and never missed games. I just loved to play ball.

The cool thing about Opening Day is that every team is equal. Sure, everyone is 0 – 0, but at least for one day every team is the same. Until the games are played, every team has an equal chance to win it all, even if odds-makers say Pittsburgh or Cleveland have no chance. At least for the first day, every team has a chance to win it all. When a team that has been given absolutely no chance to win half their games, let alone the World Series, pulls off a come from behind, walk-off Opening Day victory, their fans start to think, “Maybe this is our year!” In most cases, a month later they’re saying, “Wait ‘til next year.”

Another thing that comes to mind regarding Opening Day is hope. Who doesn’t hope that their favorite team wins the World Series? I don’t know anyone who says, “I hope my team comes in last place this year.” No, everyone wants their team to WIN. When I was in Little League and Babe Ruth League, I hoped my team would win the championship that year. I was lucky enough to play in two championships and win one of them and it was incredible to be a champion. Even though I thought it would never happen, I was able to see the Red Sox actually win not one, but two, World Series. Many people went to their grave waiting to see the Red Sox as champions, yet I got to see it happen. It’s something I won’t forget.  

Here’s the thing about baseball and all sports: You’ve got to go out and play and win the games! Just because your team is picked to win it all, doesn’t mean it will happen. Just because your team has the most talent, doesn’t mean it will be the best team. There are injuries to deal with, slumps, bad breaks and sometimes everything just comes together all at once for another team and they win. It’s a long season. What could have been and should have been wasn’t.

There are parallels to life itself. Some people are designated to be successful when they’re younger because they’re so talented, intelligent, handsome/beautiful, or driven. But you still need to get out there and live your life and fulfill those possibilities (I would say potential but I actually hate that word because it has a negative connotation to me, like you’re a failure if you don’t live up to what someone else thinks about you. Maybe that will be a post at some point in the future.). As in sports, there are injuries in life to deal with, slumps where things just don’t go your way, bad breaks that are out of your control and times where everything just comes together for someone else instead of you. It’s very easy to be all smiles and happy when everything is going your way, but how about when it’s not going your way, when it seems that everything you’re trying is failing? Do you want to just give up, throw in the towel and quit? If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve all been there.

I know I’ve been there a few times. But somewhere in the back of my head I heard my Dad telling me that you finish what you start; that if you make a commitment to something, you give it your best effort and see it through to the end. Sometimes just starting something is a victory. Sometimes just finishing what you started is a victory. For some people, just making it through life is a victory. As I get older, I find myself not looking at the scoreboard of life as much as I used to. Instead, I find myself just enjoying the game, life, a whole lot more. Enjoying life – that’s a victory in my book.