Perseverance

I saw quite an amazing sight last week. I was in my upstairs bathroom, which looks out the back of the house onto the backyard and the conservation land behind us, and I heard a major commotion among the birds that inhabit the hundreds of trees out there. Now the birds are always chirping away and can be a bit noisy, but this was way beyond that. Being the inquisitive guy that I am, I looked out the window to see if I could pinpoint the source of the uproar. Suddenly, a hawk exploded out of an opening between the trees being chased by 5 or 6 other birds and was flying straight at the window I was looking out of. For a few seconds I thought it was going to crash right into the house! Then at the last second, the hawk pulled up and to the left and went over the house. I wish I had a video camera to catch the scene, but I probably would have had to answer a lot of questions on why I had a video camera in the bathroom in the first place.

The funny thing was that later that day I saw similar scenes twice. One time the hawk was flying for his life again and the other time it was sitting in the top of a tree in my neighbor’s yard being dive-bombed by a group of birds, each one taking its turn trying to move the much bigger hawk. I watched for about 10 minutes, the hawk almost falling twice, but spreading its wings to regain balance before it finally flew away on its own terms. Whatever the hawk was after, I hope it was worth the trouble it was going through because it was obvious that it was worth the fight to all the other birds involved. While I admired the determination of the smaller birds in keeping the hawk away, I also admired the perseverance of the hawk in going after its prize.

Perseverance is a bit strange when you think about it. There are dueling clichés regarding perseverance: “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” versus “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. So you’re either trying hard or you’re insane. I guess it depends on your outlook – or possibly the outcome. We all love the stories of people who persevere, sometimes for years, until they finally achieve their goal, many of them when others have given up on them. We don’t really remember people who persevere for years and come up short every time, never achieving their goal. Most people love happy endings.

I remember how much my kids persevered when they were little. Everything they learned to do was learned through much perseverance. Everything from getting themselves dressed, to walking, to playing games to riding a bike all took time to master, to get right. Walking is especially a great example of persevering. How many times does a child fall down when they’re beginning to walk? Yet they continue to try, try again. Is that insane? Of course it isn’t. Imagine if they were like most adults are; fall down 3 or 4 times and that’s it, they’re done. I can almost hear them (well, if they could talk at that point in their lives), “I tried to walk, but I can’t do it. I tried. It’s too hard.” No one would ever walk.

Like many other people, I’m facing issues in my life right now. Some days I’m tempted to just give in and give up, to not persevere and get the issues fixed. In the short term that would be a lot easier. Most days, I’m ready to try and work on those issues and get them resolved. Unfortunately, there are little things pecking away at me, chasing me from my goal and making me feel like I can’t do it. I sometimes feel like the hawk, perched on a high branch in a tree, being dive-bombed by one thing after another and teetering on the brink of falling. Then my wife or one of my kids will do or say something nice or encouraging and I regain my balance and get myself upright again. Unlike the hawk, I know the prize is worth the trouble I’m going through now, all the perseverance and trying. It’s called family.

Graduation Day

Congratulations to the Class of 2011! Across the United States, people are graduating from high school, college and graduate school, and moving on to the next stage of their lives. Whether graduating with honors or just making it by the skin of their teeth, all graduates should be commended for their accomplishment. Whether young or old, all graduates are to be applauded, for not everyone graduates. My daughter is a graduate for the Class of 2011 and I especially want to commend her, an honor student and an incredible artist, photographer, actress, singer and person. I’m brimming with pride just thinking about her.

As I sat in the field house listening to the various speakers at her graduation, I really had mixed emotions. I was extremely happy for my daughter as she finished up her high school years, knowing that in a few short months she would be leaving us and going off to college. I couldn’t help but notice all the optimism of the day. As each student and guest speaker gave their speech, the graduates were told how they could do anything, that the world was theirs for the taking and that there were no limits except those they put on themselves. They spoke of their accomplishments, how much they had changed and grown over the last 4 years, and how they were now prepared to meet the world head on.

The mixed emotions occurred as I thought back to my own high school graduation 32 years ago. I was never one of those rah-rah, let’s get psyched up kind of kids. Sure I was happy to be graduating, but I kind of felt that the graduation was more for the parents than the kids. As I sat in the hot sun of the football field, I just wanted the ceremony to be over. I can’t remember the speeches or who gave them, but I know they were similar to the ones I heard at my daughter’s graduation. I remember that I really couldn’t get into the “we can make a difference and change the world” speeches. Because honestly, I didn’t think I could make any difference. Sitting in my daughter’s graduation, as I looked back over the last 32 years, I felt that I had fulfilled my own expectations. To say I was a bit melancholy would be an understatement.

The worst part of my graduation was that I totally stiffed my family. As soon as the graduation was over, me and my best friend Tony jumped in his car and raced back to my house. I quickly changed in to some more comfortable clothes and was flying out the door when my parents came home from the graduation. Needless to say, they were a little ticked off at me for not meeting them after the ceremony and at least taking a few pictures. When they asked about taking a few pictures before I left, I made some lame excuse about already changing and having to get somewhere. I never did take any pictures with my parents on my graduation and the only pictures I have from it are a couple of pictures of me walking onto the field in my cap and gown. Me and the parties I was going to with Tony was all that was important to me that day. Not my parents, not my family, not anyone else.

As my daughter’s graduation was winding down, I started to wonder what she would do when it was over. I wanted to be able to take some pictures with my daughter, some of her and my wife, some of her and my son and some with all of us together. My wife and I really wanted to go have a meal as a family, just the four of us. But the question in my mind was would she want to do that? Would she just want to get on to a party with her friends? What if she was just like me and didn’t want to be with her parents?

After finally finding her in the crowd of people outside the school, I am pleased to say that she was very happy to take pictures with all of us. We took pictures of her with her friends, we took pictures of her with my wife and I, and we took pictures of her with her brother. We laughed, we smiled and we had fun. Then we went to a restaurant and had a late lunch as a family. Again, we laughed, we smiled and had fun. I cannot tell you how relieved I was that my daughter was not going to be like me on graduation day.

Later on that night, as I looked back over the day, I realized something. As much as I haven’t solved the world’s problems or come up with a life changing invention, I feel that I have made a difference. My daughter spent her graduation day with her family, unlike me who wanted nothing to do with my own family on that day. That’s a big change from one generation to the next. It really was a great day – both for her and for me. And to my family, I can only say, “I’m sorry for being such a jerk.” – Even if it is 32 years late.

Get Out of the Way!

Something is wrong in the animal world. It may not be happening everywhere, but at least in my neighborhood it is. It seems that animals are not afraid of us humans like they used to be. Birds, for example, are no longer afraid of people. It used to be if you walked out of your house, they would fly away. Now you walk out of your house and maybe they’ll stop what they’re doing and look at you. If you walk toward them you get some attention, but they’re still not moving. Only when you get right near them do they fly away.

Driving is even worse with birds. It used to be that once a bird could see you coming down the road, they would fly away. Now you’re coming at them at 45 miles per hour and they don’t even blink an eye. You get about 25 feet away and maybe they hop off to the side a little, but not fly. You get about 10 feet away and it’s like they’re playing chicken – is the human going to stop before I need to fly? I have been driving at times like this when I’ve actually said “Fly!” out loud, sometimes more than once. When they finally fly up out of the road their little legs are still dangling when they pass over the windshield to safety. That’s how close they are to getting hit; their landing gear isn’t even up yet. What’s with the hopping in the road? If I could fly, I wouldn’t be hopping. Just get out of the way.

The same thing has happened with other animals, too, not just birds. Cats, squirrels, possum and critters you only see at night, none of them get out of the way until the very last minute.  I’m not about to crash my car to avoid one of these guys, and I have hit a squirrel before, but why the defiance and refusal to get out of the road?

When we were kids, we played sports in the street. We played whiffle ball, street hockey, kick ball, catch, pretty much anything in the street in front of my house. We didn’t get a significant amount of traffic on our street, mostly just the people who lived on the street and the occasional visitors. My parents had always told us to not only get out of the road when a car was coming, but to actually get onto the sidewalk. On our street, both sides had sidewalks. When we were younger, up to about 10 years old, we did what they had told us and got onto the sidewalk when a car came. However, as we got older we started just moving to the side of the street and not onto the sidewalk. This made some people slow down more than they normally would have, which sometimes got us upset because they were holding up our game.

As we got to our teen years, we got bolder (or more stupid if you prefer). When we were playing and someone yelled “Car coming”, if we were in the middle of a play, we just kept on playing. Sometimes we didn’t move until the people were pretty close to us or until they beeped their horn. Some people smiled and waved once we finally got out of the road and let them pass, others scowled at us like we were criminals in a police lineup. To get back at those people when we were playing street hockey, we’d pass the ball under the car to the other side as they went by. We thought this was hilarious and that we were pretty cool when the ball made it to the other side without getting run over. That is, until someone gave the ball too much lift and it hit the side of the car. Needless to say, the driver was not at all happy with us and told us they were going to speak to our parents about the incident. Whether they did or not I really don’t know. However, we were more careful after that…for about a week, and then we went back to our normal routine.   

A thought recently came to me out of nowhere after one of these defiant bird encounters. Maybe those birds that won’t fly, those squirrels that won’t run and the other animals that won’t get out of the road, are teenagers. They’ve gotten bolder, so when one of their buddies yells “Car coming!” in their language, they just keep on doing what they’re doing. Maybe they’re all sitting there laughing at us, thinking how cool they are that they just missed being hit. Or maybe they’re thinking how hilarious it is that they made someone stomp on the brakes and perhaps swerve out of their way. Perhaps, as in the human world, no one in the animal world wants some old guy in a car holding up the game. Even if that game is a game of chicken.